A document of our life with Anders and Kuba, filled with photo's, moments, and stories which capture the essence of our life. Who knew that life with two boys and two moms could be this good, or this nutty?
It looks like my dad is not going to make it to the barn after all. He passed away yesterday afternoon, November 22nd, 2017. The timing couldn’t be more Ironic. The move-in date was set for this Saturday, November 26th.
He gave me this chandelier over 30 years ago. He got it from a mansion on Lake Erie, near Buffalo, New York. He was rewiring and updating the electric there. The owners gave my dad all the old silver fixtures from Sheffield, England. They didn’t want them anymore. I especially loved the fixtures.
My dad was an electrician and owned his own company - the Klima Electric Corporation - for more than half a century. He was such a devoted hardworking man.
When I bought my first house in Buffalo in 1990 he rewired the fixture and hung it in my dining room. In fact, he did so much renovating on that house. It was stunning. It was his fierce commitment to help me out. He was like that.
He also hand cut and hung hundreds of gingerbread shingles on the top of that old Victorian house. The original ones we found under some ugly asphalt shingles were rotted and we could not find exact replacements. So he traced and hand cut hundreds of wooden shingles.
I brought the chandelier with me when I moved to Vermont in 1994. I have been waiting many years for just the right place. This fixture has a new home now - it is hanging in the barn apartment. It was installed today.
It is always going to remind me of my dad.
It is always going to make me feel happy.
It will always symbolize my dads generosity and love and light.
It is so right that it’s there.
It might be lights out for you, Dad, but I know you will keep shining on us.
You really did show us that the light is everything.
“Often, it’s the parents who are the keepers of the memory.”
As the keeper of the memory of Kuba's imaginary friends from childhood, I thought I should share today's events. Today we had a funeral, a service for Kuba's imaginary friend Pip. Pip is a fossa who Kuba befriended in 3rd grade with a group of other classmates who also had imaginary animal friends. This past week, these now 4th graders had a playing session at recess and sadly, Kuba's fossa got shot accidentally and died. He cried about it. He came home and wanted to have a funeral for Pip and invite his friends. He invited the 5 playmates. One was able to come. Today we had the service. Anna made a little headstone, Kuba put on a nice jacket, and Anders, Jasper and I all gathered flowers and leaves. We had the service in the park next door at the base of a large tree. I teared up during the service, not for the loss of the imaginary fossa, but because I felt such emotion about everything we've been experiencing lately. My dad is on the edge of his life, almost 94 and teetering there, on that fine line that divides the living from the dead. My sister' fiancé, who has brain cancer, has just been given 6 months to live. Also teetering on the edge of life and death. And here we have Pip. Kuba's brilliant attempt to - perhaps unconsciously- practice. Practice experiencing the death of a loved one. And I thought it was brilliant. And I thought how lucky we are to have such a kid. And I cried. I needed the practice as well. Life is such a weird journey, is it not?
And just as you might or might not expect, Kuba spotted Pip on the basketball court afterwards. Yup. Pip is in fact not dead. He had run away after being wounded - and now he's back. It happened at the same magical moment that we had finished saying our sad goodbyes. That's the thing about imaginary friends. And the thing about kids who imagine them. There's nothing predictable about it.
For Kuba's 10th birthday party we celebrated with yo yo's. We invited all of the 4th graders to a party at the school gym and gave everyone yo yo's. We had a friend of our come and teach the kids yo yo tricks. It was fun, it was festive, and it was kinda nuts. Imagine 35 kids running around a big gym with yo yo's.
Kuba is ten! Here he is in this birthday photo with his new Ukulele, wearing a pink tutu. He's through and through a unique kid - thoroughly himself and proud of it. He recently was at the kid space in a museum and they had a bunch of dress up clothes for kids to play with. He discovered a pink tutu and fell in love with it. It immediately went onto his birthday list. He's ten, but he's still such a kid -and the kind of kid who trusts his instincts and rolls with his imagination. If he likes it, why not? Who cares about gender roles/norms?
I have often written about my boys here on the blog on their birthdays. After 12 years of the blog, I found that I love these posts the most, I love reading about the kids from that year. Here's my piece about Kuba on 11/2/17.
It's been a big year for Kuba - with lots going on and soooo much growing.
He's maintaining his height at the top of the growth chart, and this year he's started to bulk up, or as I like to call it, "getting thicker." It's his bodies prep for puberty, which I know is just around the corner. All the signs are here - especially the new underarm aroma. I have a feeling he'll be taller than me by age 11.
He's developed a keen sense of self expression through oh, so many avenues. Dance, writing, imaginary friends and games, drawing, and song writing. He loves Pokémon, his favorite stuffies (especially Mousy), his friends, being with family, hanging out helping kindergarteners at school, being a learner, and all in all being attentive and attuned to everything that is going on around him. He's kind. He's thoughtful. He's beautiful. He's very sensitive. He sometimes feels worried and scared of the dark. He sometimes believes in ghosts and monsters - which are also scary to him. His imagination is so very active that at times it runs away from him and he freaks himself out. He has always been a kid with BIG feelings. Feelings of joy/excitement/anger/compassion/sadness. You name it, he's felt it - and embodies it so well. We are working on ways to help him hold on to and manage some of those giant feelings.
He's smart as a whip, curious about everything and has a preference for non fiction, versus fiction. He loves poetry and has a way with words. He's an avid drawer and we find drawings all over the house - detailed pencil sketches of all sorts of creatures with all sorts of powers. He likes to invent things and spends a lot of time playing invented games with Anders.
Speaking of Anders, his favorite person in the whole world is still his brother, Anders. He adores him and their relationship is so important to both of them. Anders is almost 13, which brings with it a whole new focus on friends and peers, but Anders does a good job of including Kuba in his clan of friends whenever he can.
He likes everyone at school, but his favorite friends are Sam, Matias, Jasper, Oliver, Gus, and Felix. These boys have consistently been self described as his closest friends. For his birthday this year we are planning a yoyo party for the whole fourth grade. It's been hard choosing which kids for a party and we decided to open it up to the whole grade this year, no one gets left out, everyone feels welcome. Stay tuned for a yoyo party post in the future.
As I wrap this up, I can honestly say that my son Kuba is the greatest teacher I know. He reminds me daily to be present, to show up, to live big, and to be unequivocally myself.
He teaches me what love is - in the deepest way possible. I remain totally smitten as his mom and so deeply admire him.