Tuesday, June 20, 2023

This Tangle of Grief, Loss, Love and Joy






To say that the past six months have been easy would be a lie. In fact, the past 180 days have been a mash up of such colossal feelings, that I find it difficult to describe.  I know it begins with the loss of my mother.  The aftermath of her leaving has been astonishing and devastating.  I had no idea how much of an impact this would have on me. I don't think I understood the depth of my sadness until grief rolled into my life so thick, it made it hard for me to navigate familiar territory. Everything was foreign, especially safety.  I felt lost in a sea of heartache and there was no escape.  I just had to keep walking. Slowly, cautiously, and gently.  Holding my arms out for edges of anything recognizable.  Grief is not enjoyable, in fact, it's a little scary.  It's cavernous, sneaky, and seemingly bottomless. Add to the loss of my mother, the high school graduation of my eldest son, and his launch into his adult life. Full on, ready to leap, a fledgling heading out of the nest. I have been filled with sentimentality, memory, and once again, loss. How is it that life, at times, throws everything at you at once? But all of this sorrow has led me to one thing.  Awareness.  And BIG LOVE. My mother.  My son. I understand just how lucky I am. Powerfully lucky to love each of them so deeply and unconditionally. I have been wallowing in this love for months now. Feeling the edges of this love, the sweetness of this love, even the sadness of this love 

I was on the beach today, choosing smooth tumbled ocean rocks to hold. As I arranged and rearranged them, I was holding a keen awareness of my mother, my son.  The love I feel for each of them as vast as the ocean before me.  I felt it all, completely.  And then I looked up.  There, in the big sky above me was a rainbow, emerging directly out of a rain cloud...rainbow on the left, rainstorm on the right. Both, and.  
My mother? Perhaps it was.  Reminding me that it is in the letting go that we find complete and utter beauty and joy.  Anders, may your new path greet you with red, yellow, orange, green, blue, indigo and violet.  And along with it, all the feels.

Anders Graduates!!!




Graduation!
4 years have zipped by (sometimes super quick like greased lightening, and at other times super slow like a herd of snails racing through peanut butter.) It's remarkable what Anders accomplished, and we could not be prouder of him. He made it through having to abandon his high school due to toxic chemical contamination and attend high school at an abandoned Macy's.  He made it through the Covid-19 pandemic years, where one complete year was a remote year of only online learning, and the other years were laced with fear and the unknown. He managed to thrive despite this, both academically and socially.  He formed a wonderful network of friends despite the obstacles.  He was on the Ultimate team, the Nordic team, the Volleyball team, and a member of the National Honor Society. He had a mentor and took classes with a master jeweler in her studio.  He was a part of Very Merry Theater where he secured his love of theater.  Words cannot capture the grit, the internal drive, the dedication that Anders hung onto throughout it all. He was remarkable in every way. We celebrated with family and friends with a fantastic dinner at Pulcinellas and a giant party at home the day after with 75 of us gathered. This was no small feat.  Nope.  This was all all of him.  Congratulations Anders! 







And you can see more on the Instagram link below...



And finally, our champagne toast to all the graduates!  


Thursday, June 15, 2023

Tuesday, June 6, 2023

Demolition - But Do They Even Notice?




 
Anders friends came out to watch his Ultimate Game and, in the background, this was going on.  Boom, smash, kabam!  Their high school was demolished - torn down - destroyed!  They didn't even seem to notice.  Unfortunately, they will not reap the rewards of a new school, but others will.  In the meantime, Macy's it is.  

Monday, June 5, 2023