M Y B O Y S I N B U F F A L O

We are in buffalo on our winter break.  The roadtrip here was absoulutely great.  (I am not kidding.) The boys were fun, the 9 hour ride felt short, we all enjoyed each other's company and then we were here.  (There is something about vacations and our family...they just seem to bring out the best in us.) We have been to the buffalo zoo and on a whirlwind, wicked fun, walking tour of buffalo.  Anna and I took the boys to some of our favorite places; City Hall, the Albright Knox, the public library, assorted monuments, and Chef's for lunch.   We happened to be driving through a somewhat desolate place and found a beautiful brick wall to pose in front of.  We decided this would be our hobby for this vacation....photo shoots in just the coolest places we could find in and around the city.   This city is so full of gems and  yet simultaneously depressed and so abandoned that we had to find some way to make it exciting.  I think we'll enjoy finding oh just the right places to pose in front of.   My boys are not at all shy when it comes to hamming it up in front of the camera.  I know it's because I have been snapping them for eight years now.  This could make a great series.     

Anders

I like to write about my boys on their birthdays.   It gives me a chance to reflect on the past year, think about the growth and evolution one year makes in the life of a child, and provides an opportunity for me to sharpen my appreciation.   I also get to reset my internal parenting compass so that it is lined up with their soulful little selves.   They lead, I follow, so to say.

Eight.   Amazing really to think that Anders is now eight years old.  I was looking at baby photographs of him and was overwhelmed by the joy and absolute crazy love we all had when he was born. 
WHAT a baby, what a boy!

He remains absolutely as beautiful as he was as a baby.  He also remains a real observer.  As a baby he would stare at people - never offering a smile freely.  He was curious, interested, yet thoughtful.   He made people earn his attention and his affection.  In some ways I guess he is still a little like that.   He doesn't give it up easily.  His temperament remains reserved and discriminating.

He is unflappable at school, a doer, a happy soul, an even keel kind of boy who seems to like the structure and predictability of a classroom.  He is a great student.  He is diligent about getting homework done even if it's not always so very enjoyable.  I admire his commitment to his work.  This year his reading, writing, and math abilities have skyrocketed.  His teacher is working on helping him to articulate his voice, hold his own, and take a stand for what he believes.  He's a mutable sign and following, versus leading, is what is so natural for him.  His teacher also let us know that when it comes to kinesthetic moving and drama, Anders is unabashed, not afraid to let it loose, and can be quite the ham.  Yes.  quite a multi-faceted character he is. 

He is a loyal, very loyal friend.   If you make his cut list, you have hit the jackpot.   Friends are very special, very meaningful to him.   At age eight his "best" friend is still Hazel.   But he also loves a new friend at school, Ben, and always considers Finley, Junie, Walker, and Julian his other favorite friends - even if they are not in his class this year.  He is also a very loyal big brother.   His affection and his love for his brother is something that I feel grateful for every single day.  Not a day goes by without this love between them BRIMMING over the top. 

If he's had a learning curve this year it really has been about independence and social behavior.  He is less shy; more capable socially, more willing to speak out, talk to strangers - hell, even more willing to talk to folks he knows well.   Great.  This is good learning for him.  If I've had a learning curve this year it's been to have great faith in him-to believe that the skills he needs he will gain in time.  I have been learning how not to "push the river." 

Athletically he is very strong, but likes the kind of sports that involve the strength of his own body - climbing, swimming, hiking.   Not necessarily team sports or ball sports.  This summer his swimming skills and his comfort in the water took off.   He also took a climbing class and is doing an outdoor adventure class.  All up his alley. 

He is a good boy this boy of mine.   A very sensitive very smart, very sweet soul. 

It is my greatest hope that this year, his eighth year is full of joy, humor, love, growth, and confidence.  Anders you are one of the most awesome boys in the whole wide world.  I could not love you more.

E I G H T

                             

                     little boy of mine                                                           

   smiling with your wooden trains  

                                today you are eight

The Writing's on the Wall

Or the mirror.

Anna got out of the shower this morning and found this message on the steamed mirror.
Anders had gone in when he woke up to use the toilet and wrote this for her.

Great thing about it: We can see his message every morning on the steamy glass as long as we don't clean the mirror.   

On Being a Mom

I could never ever capture in writing how much I think about my two children. 
I could never ever capture the depth, the angst, the pride, the love, or the fear that comes with this absolutely brilliantly difficult role of mother.
It's quite stunning.
Remarkable.
Unbelievable and
TRUE.

Lately I've been gifted with some uncomfortable comments about my child's personality from friends.
Or some tidbits about his temperament from other adults in his life.  
I'm not sure how I feel about these comments.   I certainly have to curb my defensive nature, and observe my mama bear tendencies. 
Yes, my son is sometimes quiet and shy.  Sometimes afraid to take risks. 
Yes, my son is sometimes hesitant to speak up.  And certainly at seven years old,  more of a follower than a leader.
Yes, he is a sensitive boy, still prone to tears when an injustice occurs. 
This is all true.  

But he is so much more than this. 
He is thoughtful and discriminating.  He listens.  
He is so very loving to his circle of friends.
He is deeply loyal.
He is tolerant, kind, gentle and feeling.
He is smart and very capable.
He is creative, silly, funny, and very very strong.
Kinesthetically the boy is genius.
Give him a trail, a body of water, a rock wall to climb, and he is free.

And as his mom, of course I want him to be brave, outspoken, perhaps even bold. 
But temperament is not chosen.  It just is.  Introverts and quiet children are hard for adults.  We like the loud, confident, verbal children.  The charming ones.  And as his mother I want more than anything to provide for him the experiences he needs to feel resilient and empowered, capable, and secure.  I want to keep judgement away and keep acceptance around him. 
It is my deepest responsibility to believe in him as he learns to believe in himself. 
And to this I devote my life.  To parent him with my heart wide open, my instincts sharp, my faith at full pitch.  And this means I need to figure out a way to hear comments about him that nip at my ego. 
That cause me to waver on this faithful road of mothering well.  To keep back the flood waters of fear that can result when you focus on vulnerabilities rather than strengths.  And to remind others as well, that there is nothing, nothing more beautiful than the innocence, vulnerability, and truth of a child as he is.  Nothing.  In other words, to stay right there, unconditionally loving any child as they navigate the complicated world of childhood and growing up. 

Under Water in January

I've got a bad case of the January blues. 
EVERYTHING looks so monochromatic: NO green, no leaves, no sun, no light, and my mood feels dreary.  It would be so easy right now to sink into the bleakness.  Once one thing goes, it could easily all follow right down the rabbit hole.  But I have half of a mind left; a third eye looking out for multi colors. 

We took the boys for an overnight with a group of friends yesterday.  To a mediocre hotel that had an indoor pool, a fireplace, but not much else.   Nirvana for the kids.  The boys absolutely loved it.  Running around with a pack of other kids, playing spy, hide-n-seek, swimming, playing board games, and basically feeling very in-charge.  It was a perfect hotel for this pack of kids going just a little bit wild.   We made up 80% of the overnight guests so I don't think we annoyed anyone at all.  The kids even got to make their own waffles this morning at breakfast.  

Quite honestly, the blue of the pool was the brightest color of the weekend.  The blue of the deep warm pool, with the drippy ceiling, and the cool air was the brightest blue I've seen in a long time.  Follow this with the bright green of the little pieces of fresh leaf that the leaf cutting ants carried at the science center.  Add to it the bright red, yellow, orange colors in the abstract Charlie Harper prints at the museum.  And the sweet sweet peach of my children's skin, the soft green-blue of their eyes, the blue of Anna's cast, and I think I can feel a little warmth coming back into my veins.  How about the quiet often interrupted conversations with my friends....about school, about our children, about the quirkiness of life.  

And then here we are, home again.    Our home.   It's here I get to fluff the life back in.  Add to the atmosphere of my home....make it warm, bright, and full of heart and soul.   Just so we can make it through these particularly bleak winter months - with one of us in a cast, two of us needing so much to run and play outside in the sun, and the remaining one, me, knowing it's all about how you choose to look at things- in black and white or color.  And even under water in January the blue can be quite luminescent.   

That'll Cost You One Penny

As Anders and Kuba were going to sleep last night Anders reached across and took a hold of Kuba's hand.  Anders is and has been a hand holder since he was a baby.  Kuba immediately took his hand away.  Anders said to Kuba  "I just want to hold your hand."  Kuba said "That'll cost you one penny then."  Anders said, "No, I don't want to pay you a penny to hold your hand."  Kuba  "Then it'll cost you $1.00.  It's up to you - pay me one penny and hold my hand, or don't hold my hand and pay me one dollar."   Smart kid, and great negotiator.   Anders in the end agreed to pay the penny and did get to hold Kuba's hand as they fell asleep.  Yet another win win in the negotiating life of my boys.