NINE

 

Anders turned 9 today. 

Happy Birthday to the most beautiful, most loving, most kind, boy in the whole wide world.

 



Reading Harry Potter

 

Valentine's Day is Coming

Valentine's Day is coming and I so love this holiday.  I've always loved it.  The older I get the clearer my priorities are, and it's really this simple ~ I believe in the power of the human heart.  These photo's capture it all for me...my biggest three priorities, Anna, Anders and Kuba.  When I see these images I see love.  I know how lucky my boys are to have such a remarkable mom like Anna.  I know how lucky I am to have such a loving family.  Nothing is more important to me.  Except perhaps to live in a way that shines that big love out on the world, and to raise my boys to be kind and loving.  

The Sandwich Generation

The sandwich generation  is a generation of people who care for their aging parents while also raising their own children.  This describes me, I am sandwiched between my parents and my boys, both who need care and attention.  I don't quite know what I expected life to be like when my parents moved to town, but I don't think I expected it to be quite as difficult as it has been. Surprise!  There is so much to elder care.  I don't think I quite understood, nor still understand, the dynamics of the aging process and the effects it has on the emotions of my parents - and their caregivers.  I am astounded at the difficulty they are experiencing as nearly everything physical begins to betray them....vision, hearing, feeling, walking, independence, you name it, it's changing dramatically.  The loss of this independence is deeply painful, even perhaps confusing for my parents.   Their reliance on us is clear, as is their need for care, love, optimism, kindness, patience, patience, and more patience.  I must say it's hard to be in the middle.  Often, I feel frustrated, impatient, and begging a part of myself for just a bit more generosity - so I can be a better caregiver.   It's not so easy.   I have much to learn about how I can manage this better.   And about how to not be so hard on myself, or my parents and kids, while I fumble and learn. 

Jasper Johns Number Painting

In kindergarten Kuba has been learning about Jasper Johns.

It's an integrated arts unit I've been doing with both classes.
Here's Kuba's 1-9 painting.
I am going to frame this one for sure.

 

O R A N G E

 

January sunrise

putting aside her writing

to peel an orange

 

 The color orange.   

In our household we sprinkle it everywhere. 

Front porch, couch pillows, pepper mill, walls, cashmere throw, wooden horses. 

 Orange feels full of optimism, joy, life ~ and it truly offers much warmth to these icy winter days.  

 

Orange is the color located solidly between red and yellow on the spectrum of light. 

It sits directly opposite its compliment blue.

  

In Europe and America, orange and yellow are the colors most associated with

amusement, frivolity and entertainment.

 

In Buddhism, orange (or more precisely saffron) was the color of illumination,

the highest state of perfection. 

 

In  Confucianism, the religion and philosophy of ancient China,

orange was the color of transformation.

 

I think we've chosen the best favorite color at our house. 

 

O R A N G E

 

 

 

 

 

Got Joy?

Joy. 
It's a big emotion that deserves at least one blog post. 
I've been thinking so much lately about how much joy I feel.    Truly genuine, authentic joy.  Even typing that sentence makes me happy.  I haven't always felt this much joy.  I have learned to feel great joy and I have come to know deep gratitude.
Coming out in the 80's and then growing through the next 2 decades left me feeling sad, often ashamed, and sometimes full of despair.  It wasn't easy.  How could it be that I, who as a child, loved playing house, playing with dolls, being in the kitchen, eager to become a teacher, a mother, a wife -  how could it possibly be that I was gay?  It just seemed so wrong.  I really didn't want to be gay.  But I was.  It was nearly impossible at this time to not allow the worlds small view on homosexuality to rob me of joy and to cloak me with shame.  It took enormous work and a very keen internal compass to get me here to where I am today.    It took practice and faith and so much courage.  It took thousands of conversations, many teachers, great mentors, and above all, it took trusting myself above all else.  And now I am here.  In my good life.  In my good home.  With my two absolutely beautiful and happy boys, with my kind hearted and loving wife.  In a community  of great friends and family.  In an unbelievably satisfying and fulfilling career.  In a richly creative environment that urges me to be as good as I can be.  So, even though I am at times exhausted, puzzled, confused, and lost; even though I sometimes want to pull my hair out over my kids maddening behaviors; even though I am heavier and more allergic than I want to be; even though I feel grief stricken by the hate that still remains in this world;  I always come out of it with such a shiny, brilliant joy that it takes my breath away.  Lucky.  Truly lucky.  I cannot be more thankful for all that I have.  Which makes me even more committed to helping this world be as good as it can possibly be.  We all deserve to feel such joy.