K U B A Lantern

Today Kuba and I went to a lantern making workshop.  It was five hours long!  We were creating lanterns for a parade that will celebrate the 150 anniversary of the city of Burlington.  We each made a lantern.  If you look carefully, you can see the four letters of his name in the frame of his lantern.  We made the frame out of willow branches imported from England.  It was a fun workshop and we both created some very clever lanterns.  After we went to the River of Light Lantern parade back in December, I was eager to learn how to make these.  So, while Anders and Anna were off skiing,  Kuba and I made lanterns -  inside - where it was warm.     

 

Bucky Buckminster Fuller

Integrated arts at its finest.  

Anders 4th grade class worked with their teacher, a district math coach, and the art teacher to create geodesic domes out of rolled up paper. It was a super fun project and the results were just amazing.

Ugh.

We had a family meeting tonight.  We love our family meetings and haven't had them regularly for a few months.  It was a great meeting, full of appreciations, and then problem solving.   I named the first problem, which was tone of voice.  All of us at one point or another use a sassy tone of voice and it feels bad.  The boys have gotten into a bad habit and I think Anna and I too can sometimes sound severe.  Their solution to this problem was to go closer to someone and look them in the eye if you have to tell them something, so you don't have to repeat yourself and then resort to a sassy or irritated tone when they don't respond.   We asked if there were any other problems.  And here's the ugh.   Kuba said yes.  He said he felt like I yelled at him every day.  First of all, I'd like to say how much security he must feel that he is able to articulate this out loud.  And of course, I don't feel like I yell everyday.  But, from the mouths of babes (and a babe's perspective,) is the most important view point.  I probably do "yell", considering what I just said above.  I would describe it more as irritation.  Because I do get so irritated each morning when I try to get them out of the house on time for school nearly every day.  There's the first bit of "yelling" I do.  But I am sure I "yell" more than that when I have to repeat myself.  The interesting part of this is that I introduced problem number 1 so we could talk about how they respond (we all respond) when asked to do something...we usually respond in a sassy tone.  That sassy tone usually makes me mad, and I end up going down a rabbit hole, leading to his problem, number 2.  A mad me.  It was a great meeting tonight and although it stings just a little to hear it, he told me something I need to listen to.  I don't want to be known for my yelling.  I am determined to pay attention to this and catch myself before I go down that slippery slope of irritation.  Oh, and sometimes in this life with boys, I am going to yell.  But if I listen well, not everyday. 

Artists Date

Today Anna and I went on an artist's date.  Both boys were busy with friends and we had a few hours to ourselves.  The frozen lake is beautiful now so we went down to take photo's.   It was the best date we've had in ages.   We walked and searched for beauty.   SO MUCH FUN!  We are planning another next week and it's my turn to choose.  I have a few ideas up my sleeve. 

 

The Shadow Side of Life

For nearly ten years I have been blogging about life with my two boys.  I think it is an amazing practice that I wholeheartedly love and treasure.   I find it thrilling to choose from the abundance of what happens on a daily basis in our life, and I have yet to tire of it.  Milestones of babyhood, "firsts" of any kind, record keeping for holidays/vacations/birthdays/important and noteworthy moments, and then pretty much anything else that tickles my fancy or that seems particularly juicy or true as a reflection on the time.    Most of the moments I capture are particularly positive.    


But there is always the shadow side of things.  Always.  The silent or spoken worries I have as a parent.  My sporadic agony about how to parent well.  My off and on angst about some issue that manifests itself with either boy, like stuttering, or sensitivity, or whining, or manners, or bedtime routines.  The list could go on.  And then there are the cyclical and ridiculous struggles that Anna and I engage in about sugar or screen time or being out of doors enough.  There's the fact that we are in the minority as a gay family, which means my sons do not have many peers that also have same sex parents.  Mostly this is a non issue, but at times it comes up and requires our greatest integrity and attention. And sometimes it's hard. 


And then there are the common problems, like never having a clean enough house, or a clean barn or basement and striking a balance between Anna and I - so that we share the tasks evenly and don't over burden the other.   We fight about it at times.  It's hard to have two working parents and children and a house and a family and elder parents in town.  All of it needs negotiation and willingness.  
I don't often choose to write about all of this.  I seem to write most about this good life with my boys.  I am taking a chance that when the boys are all grown they'll prefer to see and read about why life is beautiful, and not about our petty arguments, our private worries, our struggles. It's not avoidance, just preference.  Over the years I have sprinkled the harder times into the blog and I am certain that there will be lots more.  I don't think I'll miss the powerful moments whether they are happy or sad. 


I often think that we create our own reality, so I consciously choose joy when I can.  I consciously choose to flip what stinks.  I consciously choose to find help when problems seem too big for me to solve.  I consciously choose to help create experiences and moments as a family that feel full.  I want a soulful life, a life lived with honesty and integrity.  A life where we get to feel.  And that includes the heartbreak, the worry, the aggravation, the irritation,  alongside the love, gratitude and joy.  In my posts I focus on bliss the most, but if you ever wonder if there is a shadow side in this life with boys,   always.

Not Like a Fly on the Wall

 

 

 

Because I work at the school Anders and Kuba go to I am fortunate to get a close look at their learning.  Today I helped out as Anders class worked on creating the structural pieces for a geodesic dome they are making.  Rolling newspapers into tight lengths, measuring and cutting them to specific sizes, and preparing them for the construction day.  Anders was spectacularly engaged, happier than a clam and I got to witness his commitment to his work.   Like a fly on the wall, but not on the wall at all...right there in the room.   Fabulous! 

Love Letter to Anna