Connection Made

Anders has entered a phase where he has recently become very concerned about dying. It rose to the surface last week and it has been extremely upsetting to him. At times he has been perseverating over it, and making himself an anxious wreck because he "just can't stop thinking about it." He's been asking questions like, will it hurt, will he be lonely, is it scary, when is his next birthday because he doesn't want to grow any older and get any closer to dying, etc. At first we couldn't figure out where his fear came from, it felt so out of the blue. Yet it is a very serious concern for him right now. We have been talking to him and talking to others to get some advice about how to talk to him about death. and ease some of his fear. Yesterday when talking to him, as Anna was trying to figure out what might have been the catalyst for his fear, he was able to articulate that it started when he was lying on the floor, on his back, being really quiet and still, and it made him think about being dead.
It took me awhile, but tonight I think I made the connection.
Anders has been going to an art class at the local museum and for the first two visits the kids have been fascinated with the mummy in the museum's collection. The mummy is lying on it's back, still and quiet. These fears began after the kids spent some real time last Wednesday focused on this mummy. The mummy is not much bigger than Anders. I can totally see how he would feel a connection to this ancient dead mummified body after lying still on the floor in the exact same position.
Not that it makes it any easier explaining and talking to him about this complex and mysterious aspect of life. It makes it even more difficult when you are not a member of an organized religion that certainly can direct conversation about what happens after life. Being a mom is seriously intricate. Piecing together tons of fast moving bits of information to guide you in this often mysterious journey of raising and attending to the emotional needs of your children.
Oh, to be so blessed!

Hammers Are Fun to Play With

But not if you get a nail in your shirt and your body. That's not fun at all.

My Little Baker

Kuba is very interested in baking cakes. Lots of kinds of cakes, I might add. Porcupine pie, mud pie, tigger cake, etc. You get the idea. Anna found an old party cake book my mother had when I was a kid and he is crazy about it. When he first saw it he went through it page by page with a pack of little yellow sticky notes marking every cake he liked. It was every cake in the whole book. Now he just carries it around a lot dreaming about the time he will bake all of these very tacky/adorable desserts.

Anyway, today we made the tigger cake that is in the book. Hysterical. Luckily it was just for us and not to be presented anywhere at some important event. He helped me bake it today after his pre-school day ended and then he and Anders decorated it after Anders got home from school. It's pretty gross looking, but to them it is absolutely awesome.
Ironically, my little cake and candy lovers told me they were so tired tonight after dinner that they wanted to save the cake until the next day. Weird, right?
So, it's tigger tomorrow. Who knows what it will be the next time we bake.

Drivers Wanted

Anders and Kuba like to drive. Actualy we all like it when they drive. We let the boys sit on our laps and steer while we control the foot pedals. We took them to an empty parking lot to let them whip around on their scooters (with their wild painted faces,) and before long both boys were driving the Jetta. They didn't whip around in the car though - Anna controlled the speed of the car and kept it below ten miles an hour. Anders got a chance to practice shifting gears, and Kuba got to experience how helpful it is to stick your tongue out when you are really concentrating. Bliss, sheer bliss.

If They Only Knew

One day my kids will grow up, read this and realize how much their moms thought about, worried about, and cared about their happiness and well being at school. I'm thinking about this because I know that Anders has no clue how much I am watching his school experience. Paying attention. He's the kind of kid that doesn't really disclose much so I have to be observant, read the clues I do get, and listen to other kids who verbalize to their moms how first grade is going.
I know I don't want him to know of my concern (or my anxiety) so I am keeping a low profile. A fox in chicken clothing - or something like that. Sound weird? Probably. But I do want him to like school and so I watch. It's not easy working in the same school that your children attend.
I get more information than one would possibly want. And if it's not going well...I get to worry a bit. So, Anders, if you are reading this one day when you are a grown up kid, well I just want you to know how much I care about your school experience. So far you seem okay - sucked a little bit of your shirt collar today after school and you haven't done that in nearly a year. I know it's a sign of rising anxiety. But I will keep watching. And I will do all that I can from my parenting side to help you love school, feel good in school, feel happy about school and your place in it, learn a lot, and grow into a really great kid.
For those of you who know me you know I am an anxious nut about my kids.
I am also a devoted educator and mother and want for my child an experience that is empowering. And, I don't have full control. But I do have lots of ways to ensure that he is happy. And that is what leads me. Stay tuned for first grade updates.

A Meatball kinda day

It was one of those dreary, wet, gray days yesterday. Our little chef, Kuba, and the bigger chef decided to make meatballs for dinner. They were perfect with baked potatoes.

My Favorite Kids in the Whole Wide World

These are some of my favorite photos of the boys from the summer. It has been such a good summer, full of big moments...brothers swinging from trees, climbing trees, hiking mountains, going into caves, learning to swim...in ponds, lakes, rivers, and oceans, scooting oh so fast, riding bicycles, and basically growing bigger and stronger. They are my favorite kids in the whole wide world.

Ain't nothin' better than the Fair

Anders and Kuba LOVE the fair. All year they talk about the fair, ask how much longer, talk about the dragon roller coaster (which they love) and ask how much longer, again.

Well...we went to the fair this week, finally. And yes, it's way too expensive and the food isn't so healthy...but nothin' beats the maple cotton candy, the bumper cars, the lemonade, the hot dogs, the dragon roller coaster, the farm animals, or the pony ride. And so we go. And they love it. And the first question they have once we get home is to ask when will we go to the fair again. And the circle, it goes round and round.

Back to School!

The new school year has begun and we are excited and anxious all at the same time. Even though I work at the school, it seems I am not very trusting when I am turning my children over to the care of someone else. That is, until I actually know and trust the teacher.

Anders has a brand new teacher this year...she has moved here from California and I think she has a big learning curve ahead of her. His first day back was a bit rough. It is my sincere hope that what he gleans from first grade is simply the joy of learning. I want my children to love school. So, I will offer my support and do what I can from the sidelines. As an educator (with a lot of confidence and opinions about education) you can imagine how hard it is for me to stand by quietly. Sort of not possible at all. But I am kind and I know that I will communicate well, and this relieves some of my own fear about his year.

Kuba's first day back to pre-k was much smoother. Same room, same teacher, same simple routine. Breath, sigh.

So, here's to a happy year at school where learning is exciting and my children are empowered because of the true nature of their little hearts and minds.