Monday, January 2, 2012

Aging Parents

I sort of need to write about this.

My parents have been here for a week now, and Anna's mom just left.
We've been sandwiched between 4-6 year olds, and 69-87 year olds.
It's complicated.

My parent descent into frailty seems to have spiked and the descent seems way too rapid for me or for them. It's been very, very hard to watch as they lose more and more of their independence. Sight, hearing, touch, mobility...all rapidly declining. It makes me want to weep. And it's difficult to figure out how to help them from so far away. I spent an afternoon alone with my mom and I realized it was easier to be with my four year old than to be with her. She needed so much assistance, and simply can not hear, so a conversation with her is a lesson in patience and frustration. I have been feeling a lot through this and wondering so much about the aging process and how to do so with dignity. My parents have always been fiercely independent and capable.
At 87 that is no longer possible. The loss for my parents of this independence is simply heartbreaking. I can see how much they want their freedom...to move, to hear, to see, but must rely on others. My sister and I are figuring out the next step for them....sell their home, move where? Here to VT? To assisted living in Buffalo? To an apartment there? We are in the midst of some important and difficult decisions. And I am so deeply in love with my parents that I just want them to be here with me - and only take care of them, yet I know that is an impossible decision. I will have so much more to write in here about this because I think that this year will be a very important one.

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