F L U

I believe it's been 24 years since I last had the flu.  And now, more than two decades later I've been struck by the dreaded virus once again.

It sort of just hit me.   I came home from work on Friday night feeling just a little ill - headache, body ache, chills.  I took a long hot shower and then crashed.   Saturday I awoke with great denial, proceeded to take down the Christmas tree, decorations, make dinner, etc.   And that night my fever hit.

I don't remember the last time I had a fever either, maybe 24 years ago as well.  Anyway, I truly got to understand what it's like for my kids when they have a fever.   They don't need much at all except a nice warm bed, plenty of fluids, and rest.  All desire to move and engage goes away, and during the fever you don't really care about moving anyway.  I was completely content to do absolutely nothing but lay under the covers alternating between chills and hot flashes.  The whole time a part of me was observing and thinking - this has to be over soon, this can't really be real.  I awoke Monday to another day with a fever, headache, chills and hot flashes.  I called in sick to work which again is noteworthy.  Still, the whole time a part of me continued thinking, this can't be real, this can't really be the flu, I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow.  And then I went online and checked flu symptoms.  I had them all.   Okay, so I have the flu. 

It is now Tuesday.  My fever is gone, but my energy has not returned.  My headache remains, and the focus of this virus has now gone to my sinuses and lungs.  Fun.  Really fun.  I woke up today convinced I was going to school tomorrow.   I will now wait until tomorrow morning to decide this.  Based on this moment I would say no.  But healing is mystical.  

Late last night I was awake from 2:00 in the morning until nearly 5 o'clock am.  I used this time wisely.  I had a lovely bout of anxiety about all of the things I am missing at work, have to do, and I created mental list upon mental list until I had worked myself up into a worried mess of tangled thoughts.  It must have been another path of the virus: create mental torture in the victim about all the things they are neglecting while they lay there on the couch mending. 

So, with me down and Anna in a cast we've had to rely on our friends and family.  Anders and Kuba have been picked up and dropped off at school each day, my sister and friends have been stopping at the grocery store for us picking up essentials so we can make lunches and have milk in the house.  And as I watch my friends guide my children out to their cars on the way to school I must say I am so struck by how many kind loving people we know.   And I feel lucky, in spite of the damn flu.