Monday, January 28, 2013

On Being a Mom

I could never ever capture in writing how much I think about my two children. 
I could never ever capture the depth, the angst, the pride, the love, or the fear that comes with this absolutely brilliantly difficult role of mother.
It's quite stunning.
Remarkable.
Unbelievable and
TRUE.

Lately I've been gifted with some uncomfortable comments about my child's personality from friends.
Or some tidbits about his temperament from other adults in his life.  
I'm not sure how I feel about these comments.   I certainly have to curb my defensive nature, and observe my mama bear tendencies. 
Yes, my son is sometimes quiet and shy.  Sometimes afraid to take risks. 
Yes, my son is sometimes hesitant to speak up.  And certainly at seven years old,  more of a follower than a leader.
Yes, he is a sensitive boy, still prone to tears when an injustice occurs. 
This is all true.  

But he is so much more than this. 
He is thoughtful and discriminating.  He listens.  
He is so very loving to his circle of friends.
He is deeply loyal.
He is tolerant, kind, gentle and feeling.
He is smart and very capable.
He is creative, silly, funny, and very very strong.
Kinesthetically the boy is genius.
Give him a trail, a body of water, a rock wall to climb, and he is free.

And as his mom, of course I want him to be brave, outspoken, perhaps even bold. 
But temperament is not chosen.  It just is.  Introverts and quiet children are hard for adults.  We like the loud, confident, verbal children.  The charming ones.  And as his mother I want more than anything to provide for him the experiences he needs to feel resilient and empowered, capable, and secure.  I want to keep judgement away and keep acceptance around him. 
It is my deepest responsibility to believe in him as he learns to believe in himself. 
And to this I devote my life.  To parent him with my heart wide open, my instincts sharp, my faith at full pitch.  And this means I need to figure out a way to hear comments about him that nip at my ego. 
That cause me to waver on this faithful road of mothering well.  To keep back the flood waters of fear that can result when you focus on vulnerabilities rather than strengths.  And to remind others as well, that there is nothing, nothing more beautiful than the innocence, vulnerability, and truth of a child as he is.  Nothing.  In other words, to stay right there, unconditionally loving any child as they navigate the complicated world of childhood and growing up. 

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