Family Meeting

We try really hard to have regular family meetings.  And we begin them with appreciations. Everyone gets a turn telling everyone else something they appreciate about them.  It's very sweet, and surprisingly hard to do.  Anna and I sometimes talk about this beforehand so we are ready with some affirming appreciations that reinforce values we want to instill and teach the boys.   We want our appreciations to be a bullseye for each kid. 
We often appreciate one or the other for how helpful and kind they are to each other- emphasizing the powerful and positive relationship they have with each other. We also focus our appreciations on independent behavior, helpfulness around the house, positive social behavior, etc.  Things we want them to grow more of - using the appreciation tool as a way to notice internal traits and tendencies that are loving, kind, strong, resilient, etc.  At first when we started these meetings the boys would say they appreciated "our good stories" or "I love you" over and over as they learned how to give an appreciation.  Now they are surprisingly endearing and beautiful in their appreciations.  

At the meeting we also tackle problems that come up during the week.  We have the kids write or draw their problems in the family meeting notebook and save them for family meeting.  This helps to get us- the parents -  out of the problem solving seat and puts it right back at them. The photo is a problem that Anders wrote down. Usually by the time they get to the family meeting, their problems have solved themselves, or if the problem remains they solve it and we write down their solution.

After this they choose a job from a list...things like feeding the cat, getting the mail, unloading the dishwasher, etc.  They keep this job until the next meeting.  And finally at the end (and all of this takes place in 15 minutes) they each get a "contribution" of one quarter per year of age.  So Anders gets $2.00 and Kuba gets $1.25 each meeting.   This part they love, but they also totally love receiving their appreciations.

We have tons of fine tuning to do with our family meetings.   Figuring out how to hold them accountable for doing their job without nagging or reminding, remembering to get them to write down their problem instead of instantly helping with it in the moment.  And remembering even in a busy schedule to have the meetings!  But, still - it's a great tool and the boys really love it.