In-ef-fa-ble

INEFFABLE-
adjective
1. Too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words.  Indescribable, inexpressible, beyond words, beyond description, begging description; indefinable, unimaginable, untold, overwhelming, unutterable.

My dad is in the hospital.  My 89 year old father is in the hospital, fragile, exhausted.  
It has been ineffable.  

If I could only describe the collision of emotions that has taken place in me as I experience what it is like to have my father, my beyond life size father be so ill.  It is like the assortment of feelings has combined into a new flavor - an indescribable combination of agonizing helplessness, love, and concern all rolled into one.  Truly it is beyond words.  

My family left our vacation one day early and drove to Buffalo last Friday to be with my dad and family.  The boys spent a day with my family and Anna while I went to the hospital.  The boys drew pictures for grandpa which we hung on his hospital walls.  On Sunday the boys got to see my father before leaving town.   I wanted them to see my dad before they left, and luckily there were more than a dozen of us so the spirit was merry and festive while they visited with him.  They each gave him a hug and Kuba left one of his stuffed animal pillow pets for his grandpa - Monk is his name and I witnessed Kuba kissing Monk and talking to him about how Kuba would see him soon and to take good care of grandpa.  I think both boys were glad to see him and my dad rallied for the occasion and even cracked a few jokes.  

I remained here with my sister and spent the week tending to and worrying about my father.    I am typing this from an iPad - and for some reason it is so difficult to type that I will continue and edit this at a later time.  I just wanted to begin to capture just the beginning of this experience.   
All I know is this- and I know it even better now: 
LOVE.    LOVE BIG.  love your parents, your siblings, your spouse, your children, your friends, your community right now.  Give it all you've got.  I sort of think this is the only reason we are on this planet and it's the only way it makes any sense.