Got Joy?

Joy. 
It's a big emotion that deserves at least one blog post. 
I've been thinking so much lately about how much joy I feel.    Truly genuine, authentic joy.  Even typing that sentence makes me happy.  I haven't always felt this much joy.  I have learned to feel great joy and I have come to know deep gratitude.
Coming out in the 80's and then growing through the next 2 decades left me feeling sad, often ashamed, and sometimes full of despair.  It wasn't easy.  How could it be that I, who as a child, loved playing house, playing with dolls, being in the kitchen, eager to become a teacher, a mother, a wife -  how could it possibly be that I was gay?  It just seemed so wrong.  I really didn't want to be gay.  But I was.  It was nearly impossible at this time to not allow the worlds small view on homosexuality to rob me of joy and to cloak me with shame.  It took enormous work and a very keen internal compass to get me here to where I am today.    It took practice and faith and so much courage.  It took thousands of conversations, many teachers, great mentors, and above all, it took trusting myself above all else.  And now I am here.  In my good life.  In my good home.  With my two absolutely beautiful and happy boys, with my kind hearted and loving wife.  In a community  of great friends and family.  In an unbelievably satisfying and fulfilling career.  In a richly creative environment that urges me to be as good as I can be.  So, even though I am at times exhausted, puzzled, confused, and lost; even though I sometimes want to pull my hair out over my kids maddening behaviors; even though I am heavier and more allergic than I want to be; even though I feel grief stricken by the hate that still remains in this world;  I always come out of it with such a shiny, brilliant joy that it takes my breath away.  Lucky.  Truly lucky.  I cannot be more thankful for all that I have.  Which makes me even more committed to helping this world be as good as it can possibly be.  We all deserve to feel such joy.