On the Eve of Ten

On the Eve of Ten

The boys have just headed up for the night, this night, the eve of ten for Anders.  I feel a variety of feelings as I type...this bittersweet feeling of being happy to see Anders grow up and feeling sad to see him taking yet another step away from childhood.  He is on that cusp of adolescence.  

I've been sorting through thousands of pictures, searching for photo's that capture his childhood - birth to ten.  I made a birthday movie for him.  There are so many photographs of him, so many moments captured.  He is truly a beautiful child.   It was remarkable to look back - so much experience, joy, and openness.   The weird thing is that it feels so long ago and like yesterday at the very same time.  I am struck by the good fortune he has had.   I know this more than ever after a search like that.  Love poured out of every photograph.  The history of holidays, birthdays, vacations, ordinary moments, and extraordinary moments.  The hugging, the family, the friends.  Our house and home in all it's stages of settling and unsettling, remodeling, and security.  Toys, art making, nature, animals that have come and gone.  Close-ups of him, feelings and expressions that run the gamut.  One thing I know for sure, my son is cherished. 

I created this blog when Anders was just six months old.   At first I was fearful of the "internet" and every so often I would print and then delete the pages from that original blog - keeping them for a book one day.  Finally, I just let go and kept the blog intact.  It is a marvelous journey, this life with Anders.  I know that I am a better and happier person because of him.  He has brought such meaning to my life.  By joining us here on this planet he has shaped us into a family that is rich with heart and soul.  He reminds me to wake up, be present, think big, be patient and love well.   I am not a writer, but I can tell you about my love for him.  It's enormous and strong and forever.  

Tomorrow - when he awakes as a ten year old, I'll greet him like I always do.  And carrying his birthday tray, I will give him the best gift of all, my steady and unconditional love.   And then together as a family of four we'll enter the next decade of life with Anders.