Loss

I've been putting together a video for Kuba's tenth birthday - which is nearly upon us, and I've been scouring through everything I can find to round up photo's of him and I've been desperately searching for video too.    Recently I found out almost all of our photo's (day one of babies until recently) are gone.  We had loaded everything onto an external hard drive for "safe keeping" and better storage.    The external hard drive was dropped and everything on it is gone.    Wiped out.    Magnetic dust.

Luckily,  I have kept this blog and I have Facebook and have some photos on google and in the iCloud.    This is the only thing that has kept me from nonstop weeping. 
However - it doesn't really touch the grief I have felt after finding out we lost everything that was on this external drive. 

What is most painful is the loss of all the video I took of the boys when they were little.
And almost all of the photo's I took of Kuba when he was a small boy...birth to age 4 were on there.    I happened to have already made a ten year birthday video for Anders, so I had captured his range of photo's from birth to ten, so I was luckier there.  

Words cannot describe my sadness and sense of loss.