Noticing

Things are changing here in this life with boys

recently I've noticed it

My teenager is becoming more teenagerish 

I can even see it here in these photos

Kuba, hamming it up like always - playful, goofy, silly, just like a ten year old

Anders on the other hand, who is now thirteen

not so much

looking at these pictures I see his resistance or indifference or exhaustion? 

But I see it and I feel it and I remember it and I can almost name it

But not quite

the exiting of childhood?  
AH.  It's a sad thing to type

 I have always been invested in being playful 

(but perhaps I wasn't as a teenager)

So to see this slight change is a tweeny bit emotional for me.

I think I feel a little grief about it

It seems as if the nature of play changes when you are leaving childhood

or does it?

Imaginary games, believing in the unknown, unseen, imagined

the feeling that everything is yours...not off limits

and then the self-consciousness of play sets in

or what is seen as child's play
It feels like it could diminish some of the joy and freedom of life

and it's something I am thinking about right now as I see my teenager

who is less playful

more removed?

more something...that's for sure

And as he embarks on his thirteen year around the sun

I, his mother, am going to be there to remind

nudge

invite

entice

and model for him 

 the joy of playing and investing in life

as much as I can 

But maybe he doesn't need me

He has Kuba