Welcome to Forty!

In celebration of Anna's fortieth birthday we went away on a cross country ski weekend.
Mor Mor, Aunt Sandy, and our friend Renzo helped us to bring on the big FOUR O.
Anders was pulled behind in the polk and Jakob was snug inside Renzo's jacket...she is an amazing skier and he was safe as could be. We had such a great time, and hope to repeat this winter adventure every year!

Falling in Love

It wasn't just the never ending supply of sweet milk, or that beautiful face that had him hooked, oh no. It was the singing and the guitar that took him right over the cliff into major love with Anna. Same thing that did me in.

Parenting 101

I am going to a 6 week parenting class, and even though it's only week 3, I feel myself slipping lower and lower into my chair - oh boy. I think I am learning a lot. Last nights topic was "praise" and I think we have a praise junkie on our hands thanks to me (and Anna?)

Thinking about how you speak to your children is hard work. Noticing how quickly "good job" blurts out of your mouth is a terrifying realization. Hearing "watch me, watch me" over and over again from the mouth of a 3 year old is something I am being told is not ideal. Attention child. A child used to getting lots of attention and not necessarily for important reasons. I learned that kids who get praise all the time, have low self-esteem. I learned that kids who get praised a lot are at-risk kids. Because they fall prey to anyone who gives them attention... Because they learn that what you think of them is more important than what they think of them.

This has been one wild month. SO much focus on how to parent well, how to parent capable, responsible, independent kids. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! It feels a bit daunting when your whole house was built out of playing cards but you thought they were bricks.

More on this.....

Cute Close-up

Here he is in all his blue-eyed glory.

Doesn't Jakob's hair appear to be blonde-ish in this photo?

It's exciting to wait and to see what his hair color will end up being- we keep thinking real real blonde, or redish, or light brown...we just don't quite know.

But we do know he is a real cute baby.

As he approaches his 3 month birthday so many things are changing.

He seems to have discovered his hands, even though he can't quite use them yet, and he has discovered his tongue for licking, and he is just so absolutely curious about the world around him. This wide eyed look is how he approaches this big life. Oh, and in case you are wondering, those are Anna's knees.

Feeding the Babies

How clever of Anders to turn a baby toy into a breast and stick it to his shirt. He was so happy to feed baby Peter right next to Anna who was feeding baby Kuba.
Having baby Peter, his little boy doll, has helped so much with his transtion to being a big brother.

Slang...already!

Anders was playing cars this morning, and his little yellow speedster found it's way underneath the table.

"Bummer" said Anders.

What does that mean? we asked...

"If you hate something, that bummer."

How does he get that information?!!

Quote of the Day

Today when we came in from sledding, I needed help getting my boots untied. I had the baby in the bjorn, and couldn't really bend down to do it.
Anna was helping Anders out of his snow clothes and I asked him if he wanted to help me take my boots off.
His response:
"No, I can't help you."
I asked him why.
"Because I am not a boot helper."

Matching Crocheted Hats

Here we are, Jakob and I, posing with matching hats made by Aunt Sandy. I love mine, but I don't know about him....he looks a bit indecisive.

But oh what hats they are!

She should quit her day job!

The Zen of Motherhood

Okay, it's tough having 2 kids. That much is pretty clear.
And so, you can either sink or not sink. That much is also pretty clear.
And when you have incredible kids like Anders and Jakob the choice to not sink is also pretty clear.

One thing that is so true about motherhood, is there really is no longer the luxury of having a personal breakdown. If you do, or really, before you even get there, your children will start throwing up red flags, yellow flags, and even flourescent flags as a way to bring you right back to the present. That much is very, very clear.

I was really feeling sorry for myself recently, wallowing a bit in self pity. Indulging perhaps?
But very promptly the flags started flying. The first was a yellow one that sounded like a whine....followed by red ones that sounded more like 3 year old incomprehensible baby talk, and then the flourescent ones that took the shape of hitting and emotional breakdowns.

What more could a mother possibly ask for in this very spiritual life called parenting?

Be here. Be here now.

It has been a rather brilliant day.
I am so back. So alert. So thoughtful.
Anders has been reeling from all of the very big, very emotional changes in his life.
Talk about change. Honestly, what could be bigger?
Jakob has been growing so fast, changing so quickly, that it is rather remarkable. He no longer sleeps 20 hours a day like he did as a newborn. Nope. He smiles, articulates, and takes up space and time. Plus, he gets carried, cuddled, breast fed, and coo'd too. Regularly.

Place that next to an almost 3 year old who is not quite so sure he is ready to be a big boy, or a baby.
What would you choose?
Big boy or baby?
Being held, coo'd to, carried, and catered to, or being independent and putting on your own jacket, or boots, or carrying your dinner plate to the sink.
Hmmm. You can see why there is hesitation.

And thus the call to action. This is what I love about being a mom. The attention, or at least the invitation to pay good attention. It has been an enlightening day.

There are times when it is so hard to give so much, so difficult to be on 24/7, when what I really think I want is quiet, and space, and time alone to do nothing. But I can't really get that, so I stomp around internally and start feeling all overwhelmed and resentful. I hang on to the notion that I can still have my old life. But I never can or will.

Somehow, my children with their brilliant flag throwing, have reminded me that I want to swim.
For me, for them, for this life.

Just surrendering has brought gifts to this day.
Observing Anders, and deeply trying to decipher his cryptic communication has been the days work.
Both Anna and I have been attentive, and sharp, and thoughtful with him.
We have been compassionate towards him while providing this framework of limits that he does need.
And we have been there with him, 100%.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. But at least I know I will be there.

For Just a Flash

I looked at a photo of Anders tonight that we have on our counter, and seriously, just for a flash of a second, I thought it was Jakob. And no one thinks they look alike!

Bedtime Disaster

Okay, tonight was the second attempt at having the two boys all by myself right at bedtime.

Last week Anna left the house at 7, and from 7-8 I was cruising.
Life was good, I had this under control...no problem.
I had Anders in bed, and was telling him a story, simultaneously I was holding a sleeping baby.
Jakob woke up at 8pm.
Crying.
Anders was not asleep.
I left Anders room to try to get Jakob settled, but I had no luck.
Jakob was beside himself.
Anders switched on the light, got out of bed, and started crying himself.
I had 2 screaming kids.
Anders moved to the gate at the top of the stairs to wail and kick it with his feet while crying for Anna.
Jakob was wailing too.
I had no milk for Jakob b/c Anna hadn't started pumping yet.
After 30 minutes of crying I put in a Winnie the Pooh video for Anders.

Jakob cried until 9:10 when Anna came home.
I cried until 10.


So, it felt like a majordisaster. My nerves were shot, I was wiped out after a long day, and simply put, baby crying really stresses me out.

You'd think I'd have learned.

Tonight. Round two.

Anna left at 7. I had a bottle.
Jakob slept until 8 and then right at the moment Anders really should be falling asleep, Jakob woke up crying for milk. But I had some this time. I still had to leave Anders room, go down, heat it, come back up, but by this time both boys were crying all over again.

Needless to say it really didn't get any better. Anna came home at 9.
My patience was gone, my fatigue was amplified, my good humor was erased.
I was not pleasant or a good partner when Anna came home.

I am not doing this again at bedtime.
At this point I consider myself a lousy parent of two kids when I am the only one attending to them, and it's bedtime, and I am not the nursing mother. I feel like a total failure.

Dreamin' about Playdough

Last night Anders was talking in his sleep.
He spoke in the most inviting tone one could imagine an almost 3 year old using.

"You want to try my hot dog?"

a pause and then

" Anybody want to try my hot dog?"

complete quiet and then he was back to snoring and breathing.

Today when I was telling him about what he said in his sleep,
without missing a beat and with just as much pride he told me,

"I was making a hot dog with my playdough."

Jakob Loves to Smile

If you smile at him, he'll smile at you. And when you talk to him, he is so observant, so curious, so happy to respond. It is such a pleasure to see how eager he is to connect and to articulate. His vocabulary at this point pretty much consists of "ga" and "ahuh," but quite remarkable for such a little baby. It's so interesting watching Jakob's personality develop. And now that his stomach issues seem to be a bit better, I think he is so much happier.

2 Month Photo

Here he is at two months. He grew 3 inches this month and now ranks in the 97th % for length, and he weighs in at 14 lbs, again the 97th %!! Fabulous!!

More about Jakob

Well, as you might have read, Jakob has a bit of a digestive issue. We thought we had it licked a few weeks ago, but it still remains. It's hard to figure out. We think it is linked to Anna's diet and his sensitivity to something she is eating, but honestly, we don't know. We have a 2 month doctor appointment tomorrow, and I am calling a homeopath this week too. The funny thing is that sometimes he is so fine, and other times he is absolutely upset and unsettled. At least he is not doing the screaming crying he was doing at 3 weeks. He mostly just spits up a lot, is gassy, and can't get comfortable. It's hard. Especially when it occurs between 11pm and 5 am. We had a couple of nights where we took hourly shifts. I am off now for 5 weeks, and will be the number one baby whisperer around this house! We'll see how it goes...cross your fingers. Anna still has to beging pumping, and we need to introduce the bottle to him. Let's hope he likes it more than Anders did. Anders hated the bottle. Stay tuned!

Happy 2008!

The highlight of our New Year's Eve was the dragon parade and being with family. Here's the group photo celebrating the eve of 2008.