K U B A Lantern

Today Kuba and I went to a lantern making workshop.  It was five hours long!  We were creating lanterns for a parade that will celebrate the 150 anniversary of the city of Burlington.  We each made a lantern.  If you look carefully, you can see the four letters of his name in the frame of his lantern.  We made the frame out of willow branches imported from England.  It was a fun workshop and we both created some very clever lanterns.  After we went to the River of Light Lantern parade back in December, I was eager to learn how to make these.  So, while Anders and Anna were off skiing,  Kuba and I made lanterns -  inside - where it was warm.     

 

Bucky Buckminster Fuller

Integrated arts at its finest.  

Anders 4th grade class worked with their teacher, a district math coach, and the art teacher to create geodesic domes out of rolled up paper. It was a super fun project and the results were just amazing.

Ugh.

We had a family meeting tonight.  We love our family meetings and haven't had them regularly for a few months.  It was a great meeting, full of appreciations, and then problem solving.   I named the first problem, which was tone of voice.  All of us at one point or another use a sassy tone of voice and it feels bad.  The boys have gotten into a bad habit and I think Anna and I too can sometimes sound severe.  Their solution to this problem was to go closer to someone and look them in the eye if you have to tell them something, so you don't have to repeat yourself and then resort to a sassy or irritated tone when they don't respond.   We asked if there were any other problems.  And here's the ugh.   Kuba said yes.  He said he felt like I yelled at him every day.  First of all, I'd like to say how much security he must feel that he is able to articulate this out loud.  And of course, I don't feel like I yell everyday.  But, from the mouths of babes (and a babe's perspective,) is the most important view point.  I probably do "yell", considering what I just said above.  I would describe it more as irritation.  Because I do get so irritated each morning when I try to get them out of the house on time for school nearly every day.  There's the first bit of "yelling" I do.  But I am sure I "yell" more than that when I have to repeat myself.  The interesting part of this is that I introduced problem number 1 so we could talk about how they respond (we all respond) when asked to do something...we usually respond in a sassy tone.  That sassy tone usually makes me mad, and I end up going down a rabbit hole, leading to his problem, number 2.  A mad me.  It was a great meeting tonight and although it stings just a little to hear it, he told me something I need to listen to.  I don't want to be known for my yelling.  I am determined to pay attention to this and catch myself before I go down that slippery slope of irritation.  Oh, and sometimes in this life with boys, I am going to yell.  But if I listen well, not everyday. 

Artists Date

Today Anna and I went on an artist's date.  Both boys were busy with friends and we had a few hours to ourselves.  The frozen lake is beautiful now so we went down to take photo's.   It was the best date we've had in ages.   We walked and searched for beauty.   SO MUCH FUN!  We are planning another next week and it's my turn to choose.  I have a few ideas up my sleeve. 

 

The Shadow Side of Life

For nearly ten years I have been blogging about life with my two boys.  I think it is an amazing practice that I wholeheartedly love and treasure.   I find it thrilling to choose from the abundance of what happens on a daily basis in our life, and I have yet to tire of it.  Milestones of babyhood, "firsts" of any kind, record keeping for holidays/vacations/birthdays/important and noteworthy moments, and then pretty much anything else that tickles my fancy or that seems particularly juicy or true as a reflection on the time.    Most of the moments I capture are particularly positive.    


But there is always the shadow side of things.  Always.  The silent or spoken worries I have as a parent.  My sporadic agony about how to parent well.  My off and on angst about some issue that manifests itself with either boy, like stuttering, or sensitivity, or whining, or manners, or bedtime routines.  The list could go on.  And then there are the cyclical and ridiculous struggles that Anna and I engage in about sugar or screen time or being out of doors enough.  There's the fact that we are in the minority as a gay family, which means my sons do not have many peers that also have same sex parents.  Mostly this is a non issue, but at times it comes up and requires our greatest integrity and attention. And sometimes it's hard. 


And then there are the common problems, like never having a clean enough house, or a clean barn or basement and striking a balance between Anna and I - so that we share the tasks evenly and don't over burden the other.   We fight about it at times.  It's hard to have two working parents and children and a house and a family and elder parents in town.  All of it needs negotiation and willingness.  
I don't often choose to write about all of this.  I seem to write most about this good life with my boys.  I am taking a chance that when the boys are all grown they'll prefer to see and read about why life is beautiful, and not about our petty arguments, our private worries, our struggles. It's not avoidance, just preference.  Over the years I have sprinkled the harder times into the blog and I am certain that there will be lots more.  I don't think I'll miss the powerful moments whether they are happy or sad. 


I often think that we create our own reality, so I consciously choose joy when I can.  I consciously choose to flip what stinks.  I consciously choose to find help when problems seem too big for me to solve.  I consciously choose to help create experiences and moments as a family that feel full.  I want a soulful life, a life lived with honesty and integrity.  A life where we get to feel.  And that includes the heartbreak, the worry, the aggravation, the irritation,  alongside the love, gratitude and joy.  In my posts I focus on bliss the most, but if you ever wonder if there is a shadow side in this life with boys,   always.

Not Like a Fly on the Wall

 

 

 

Because I work at the school Anders and Kuba go to I am fortunate to get a close look at their learning.  Today I helped out as Anders class worked on creating the structural pieces for a geodesic dome they are making.  Rolling newspapers into tight lengths, measuring and cutting them to specific sizes, and preparing them for the construction day.  Anders was spectacularly engaged, happier than a clam and I got to witness his commitment to his work.   Like a fly on the wall, but not on the wall at all...right there in the room.   Fabulous! 

Love Letter to Anna

Yes, Valentines Already

 

Just January

and I've already started

February 14 is so soon!

   

Pond Pathways

 

 

 

 

We took a trip to a small frozen pond today not too far from here, without skates, to check it out.  There were 3 small shoveled ice rinks with nets set up and an assortment of hockey playing citizens.  We walked past them to the pond beyond, which seemed endless and ripe for a shoveled maze of sorts.  We spent the next three hours playing and shoveling and enjoying the beautiful setting - it felt like we were nestled into a cozy spot surrounded by hills and mountains.  It was cold, but so delightful that none of us at all felt cold.  We shoveled mazes, slipped on the ice, chopped a hole to find out how the thick the ice was (about 8" and we used an ax), climbed up to see and chop a frozen waterfall, created an icy sculpture, and took a selfie.  All of it was just so good.  

 

Cleaning Toilets, and Other Great Chores for Boys

 

Tonight as Kuba was falling asleep he opened his eyes and said to me, "I forgot to clean the toilet! Oh, I'll do it tomorrow. And I'll wash the kitchen floor too. I washed it today but it got all dirty."
He is on a chore binge. Today (because he wanted to) he pulled 8 chore cards from the chore bowl and happily did them...all except the toilet. They both love cleaning the toilet.  I think because I am an enthusiastic teacher of chores, I might have overdone it with the toilet cleaning delight.  What kills me about his comment tonight is his sincerity and his desire to really and truly clean the toilet. 

We've always been challenged, Anna and I, about how to get our boys to help out more around the house.  How to give them responsibilities and also keep it interesting to them.  Anna thought of this daily chore idea and it's been working for a long time.  We've adapted it a few times, but pretty consistently this works.  We've created a list of about 20 chores that are easy to do without help after the initial training.  The kids choose one a day and then complete the chore by the end of the day.  Sometimes it's as simple as watering the plants.  Sometimes it's as complicated as cleaning the toilet.  Sometimes it really helps our house run.  Other times it's more about creating a habit.  All the time it makes us happy. 

The surprising part about it has been how the kids have responded to it.  They love certain chores...and whoop when they get their favorites.  Cleaning the toilets is a favorite. Taking out the compost is not a favorite.  Both boys hate that one.  I don't know why, as it seems a heck of a lot easier to me than cleaning a toilet.   Either way, happy or not, they do their chore and we move right along trying to keep up with our messes.  Sometimes better than others. 

 

Further Gratitudes

In about one hour the holiday vacation will have come to an end, and both boys will be in bed.  The backpacks are ready, boots and mittens laid out, and it's just a matter of waking, dressing, and getting breakfast before the next round of learning at school begins. 

Tonight as Anna and I prepared dinner the boys were sitting and playing with their animal assortment.  I videotaped their play for later, a time years from now when they can truly admire their imaginary and complimentary play.  It's pretty awesome.   They also had a list by their side with the group of things they needed to do before bed...practice piano, get on pajama's, brush teeth, and write a thank you card.   Without a word to Anna or I, they got up at their own discretion went to tackle the next thing on their list, happily.  Which is why I am taking this moment to write.  I am so conscious of how lucky I feel to be their mom.  They truly are the best kids ever.  Right now they are upstairs with Anna practicing and I am grateful.  Grateful that I have two very healthy young boys who are full of joy, are quite agreeable, and are quirky enough to be interesting.  They understood the night routine and are taking it on as if it is a piece of cake.  

It's often not easy being a parent.  There are countless ways that things can go wrong.  So much is out of our control, but sometimes I like to think we as parents have a lot of control.  Certainly about bedtimes, and dinner choices, and how to respond to them.  But also about that constant underlying teaching that goes on about goodness, and kindness, and love, and doing your best.  Often I feel (and sometimes I know) that my boys are truly learning these core values.  They are kind and thoughtful.  They are respectful and very honest.  They are eager to please and do what is right.  I love that.   I love that I can count on the fact that my children will not be mean or grow to bully others.    They are nice kids.  Really nice. 

I also love that they adore school, that going to school for them is easy.  There is no angst, anxiety, or fear as Monday approaches.  Just a quickening of the pace as they get themselves ready the night before, probably wondering what exciting thing might be happening tomorrow.   Certainly they will see their teachers again and their school chums.  And when they enter the classroom, I know that they are taking with them a big imagination and a giant, loving, heart of gold to share.  

Our Family Gratitude List 2014

Anders, Anna, Abe, Art camp, Animals
Brothers, Ben, Birthdays, this Blog, Beekeeping with John and Bonnie
Crows Path, Christmas, our Chickens, Calvin and Hobbs, Cousins, Chopped
Did I tell you I love you today? Drawing, Dajm, Diving off diving boards
Exercise? 
Family, Friends, Friday Family Movie Night, Felix, Finley, Family meetings, First and Fourth grades
Gluten free, Grandma & Grandpa, Gus
Hinge, Hazel, Health, Hiking, Hidden beach, Holidays, Home
IAA, Instruments, Imaginary friends, Ipads
Judy, Julian, Jokes
Kuba
Love, Laurie Berkner, laughing 
Minecraft, Matinicus, Morfar and Mormor, music, the MOON, two mom's
Nine years old
Owls
Piano lessons, photography, playing
Quiet
Rock collecting, reading
Sam, Seven years old, Sketchbooks, our Swedish family, Stripes, Singing, Sleeping, Summer
Teachers- Mr.T & Ms. Jen, Mr. Thomas, Tiger our cat, Tulips
Uncles- Pete, Claes, Paul, Mark and Tim
Vacations, violin lessons
Words- like gibbous and cominuladid, Bees WAX , Wild Kratts
You!
Granby Zoo

Hello 2015

 

We took a hearty late afternoon walk on this very first day of the new year-a long stroll through the monochromatic woods finding all kinds of icy treasures.  By the time we were through it was twilight and the darkness and cold made our trip back home all the more coveted.  We ordered dinner out, rented a movie and are ending this first holiday of the new year, last holiday of this vacation, in our warm home all together.    May 2015 be a year filled with love, health, and peace.